i am not who i was

i am not who i was, and for that i am thankful. i have learned, i have grown, i have experienced, i am new.

like everyone else, this weekend my social media feeds have been full of graduation pictures and posts from friends, family, and strangers alike, all celebrating this huge accomplishment and milestone, and i can’t help but remember graduating almost one year ago now and realizing just how much i have changed since then.

in this past year, i’ve had to learn how to tackle things and situations that i never thought that i would, i’ve had to go through extremely difficult times and figure out how to get past them and to not just give up completely. i’ve learned that there are people that, no matter how much you love them, need to be cut out because you’re the only one putting in any effort. i’ve learned that i am the one in control of my life and my decisions, not someone else. i’ve learned that i don’t need to rely on another person to find a sense of belonging and validation. i’ve learned that loving yourself and caring for yourself is worth the effort and that mental health is just as important as physical health. i’ve learned that i am far from perfect, but everyone is and we’re all just faking it until we make it. i’ve learned more about what i’m passionate about, like human equality, women’s rights, mental health destigmatation, and so much more. i’ve learned to challenge the faith that i had because of how terrible the hate that there is surrounding it is. i’ve learned that plans can change in the blink of an eye and that sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it.

i know that at 19 years old i am no where close to being done learning new things about myself and the world around me, but i also know that the things i’ve been through and learned this year have shaped me into a new being and into a person that i am proud of. the sadness and disappointment due to the loss of once close friends, plans i had made, and goals that have changed is still present, but the journey ahead of me looks so sweet and sharing that path with sour people and memories to contaminate it isn’t worth it.

i may not be where i want to be yet, but that’s better than being in a place that i thought made me happy but was instead doing the exact opposite. one year really can make a world of difference.