life moments · personal

is this thing still on?

so. long time no posting.

no, i didn’t forget my password, no i didn’t delete this account, no i didn’t stop writing.

quite the opposite honestly.

over the past five months i have actually written out more posts than i had previously. last month alone i think i wrote about four or five.

then, abby, why have you not shared anything in five months? why complete silence here and on things going on in the world?

short answer: i don’t know.

long answer: i don’t know, so lets dig into it.

after the women’s march  this january and the high i felt from that and how empowered i felt, i thought that i was going to be posting regularly and sharing more of my thoughts and a lot more completely unfiltered opinions on things that were going on both in current events and in the ideals and opinions of things like femininity and lgbt+ issues. and i did write about those things. quite a bit. but when i got to the point in which i was ready to publish whatever it was that i was writing, i had to stop myself and just save yet another draft.

when i try to see what exactly it is that’s stopped me from posting things, i come up with a bit of a cocktail of reasons, but the biggest reason i’ve come to is that i’m simply tired of having to debate with people over why i see things the way i do. i have a post talking about how toxic the mainstream view of what femininity is and what women stereotypically aspire to and how that isn’t the case for everyone etc. but like, i know if i posted it i would have to deal with people of a very specific upbringing and lifestyle biting back about how a woman has a destiny of being a follower of her husband since he is the head of the family and that is what i should aspire to and blah blah blah and i just can’t deal with that any more. i’ve heard speeches like that about every subject under the sun about everything from why lgbt+ people and other minorities are really essentially not humans, why we quite obviously don’t need feminism because that specific woman talking is doing just fine, why there is no actual racial issue in america, how young people aren’t at a disadvantage economically and we’re all just lazy and sensitive “snowflakes” looking for pity and the easy way out, etc.

i’m just tired. i’m tired of having people tell me that my lifestyle is going to send me to hell. i’m tired of having to defend myself and other people who are much worse off than i am. i tired of having people tell me that immigrants and muslims and people of color are only here to hurt them and are inherently evil people that we need to get rid of. i’m tired of having to tip toe around things.

so, well, that i guess is why i haven’t posted.

and i guess that’s all i have for now. i can’t say i’ll now be a regular poster now or anything because i know who i am as a person and that’s just not realistic and who knows if after five months anyone will still be reading these and maybe i should just keep these things to myself, but i can say that i can now at least enjoy writing and posting when i so choose to.

i forgot how weird and hard it is to bring these to a natural close to end these, so like, bye i guess.

also, happy pride month y’

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